Mystery Sausage 2: Slim Jims – The Essence of Americanism – A Melting Pot of Meat

January 13, 2011 § 5 Comments

My coworker’s wife packs Slim Jims in his lunch occasionally and he doesn’t care for them so much. His lack of taste is my bounty, though, because he throws them over the cubicle wall to me. I have asked him not to let his wife know his dirty little secret so I can keep getting these. Plus, it’s for his own good. What woman would want to stay with some guy who doesn’t like Slim Jims? I am thinking almost purely of marital harmony here.

Don’t get scared here, but Slim Jims are made of more than one kind of animal. I know, it’s not new. Even the pickled sausage I ate was made from two types of critters. This trend of using poultry as a beef or pork extender embodies some of the core values of American society. The sausage becomes a melting pot of meat, bringing together meats that would be penned separately on the farm. It is a beautiful harmony. It is America. Slim Jims, I salute you.

Mystery Sausage 1: Big Mama Pickled Sausage

December 28, 2010 § 2 Comments

My beautiful girlfriend retched a little in her mouth when she saw me buying this on a recent road trip to North Carolina. I say that if you can’t buy questionable sausages at gas stations while on road trips, what does the American flag really stand for?

I opted not to try it in front of her, so when I got home I slit it open and took a bite. Very vinegary, tangy and definitely meaty. I couldn’t make out the chicken or the pork specifically, but it all came together as one unified whole. A frankensausage, to be sure, but a tasty one. Tasty as it was, though, the texture didn’t sit right with me. It was almost grainy. I’m pretty sure I didn’t like that.

I also didn’t like the red color, which didn’t seem to make its way through to the core of the sausage. Does sausage have a core? well, the center, anyway.

Outards:

Innards:

 

 

Christmas Breakfast: Lit’l Smokies

December 25, 2010 § 1 Comment

Beautiful Girlfriend made me a special breakfast this morning. Eggs, hash browns and the heavenly addition of Lit’l Smokies, which are like mini kielbasa – the sausage that may very well herald in the Age of Aquarius and save society through its intrinsic goodness.

Cooking in the pan:

And the finished breakfast:

Now it’s time for cleanup. Look at all that yummy grease! I can save that and use it to cook tomorrow’s eggs in, I imagine.

Kielbasa

September 30, 2010 § 1 Comment

Kielbasa was a staple of my household when I was a kid. Much to my mother’s horror, my father consistently called it “donkey dick” but never shied away from eating it, despite the image that moniker conjured. I found it in split pea soup, baked on a bed of sauerkraut, roasted on the grill and eaten as a hot dog on a bun.

It is a trifecta of meats, composed of beef, pork and turkey and is delicious. I promised my girlfriend that I would make her some split pea soup with kielbasa this fall to warm her when the chill settles in. I look forward to that. Who ever thought that this delectable food could be a cornerstone of romance?

Today I had it with eggs for breakfast. Such joy!

Scotch Egg

September 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

I visited my brother in Raleigh back in July and he took me to a place that had Scotch eggs, which he encouraged me to try. If you have never had one of these before, you should go find out which of your local ale houses has such delights. North Carolina is a fried food lover’s Mecca.

A Scotch egg is a hard-boiled egg cloaked in a layer of sausage-based breading and deep-fried to brown, crisp perfection. It was served with brown mustard and tasted delicious. Anything served with mustard tastes better, the way I figure. It tasted like a heart attack waiting to happen, savory and slightly spicy, with a richness of flavor and soaked in hot oil.

Go get one now. You will never forgive yourself if you don’t.

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